I was at my usual AA meeting this morning, the same meeting I go to every single day. I love this meeting, but like any group you may belong to, you may have varied opinions on certain topics. Old Timers are understandably more rigid toward doing things like when they were new, 20 plus some years ago. "When I was a newcomer, they made me do this or do that". Today's youth can be turned off to that approach, for better or worse. I'm somewhere in between.
I want to sound off about something you will hear alot in the rooms; "I need to work a selfish program". The issue I have with that is that it implies something that we should do that will help us keep sober. Now, I know what everyone means, or trying to mean. That sobriety is the first priority, and working the program, going to meetings, working the steps and fellowship must always be at the forefront of our mind and actions. I'm not a big fan of this term because I hear new and old timers alike use it as a way to shrug off job responsibilities, family stuff, etc... I personally encourage my sponsees to spend time with their family unless its a bad unhealthy situation. To give their employer a fair days work, even if they think they're underpaid. Alcoholics can easily say they are working a selfish program and give themselves a built in excuse to make up b.s. to get out of things. Give alcoholics an inch, and they'll take a mile. Not all, but its a general statement that seems pretty standard.
Another thing I noticed is that some people will say I must stop giving so much of myself, and do more for me. I'm sorry, but that is selfishness, and a character defect to boot. If you're not giving freely of yourself then when you give, you will always feel not appreciated. This is where we ask God to bless our heart with a service heart and mind, and trudge away, or don't do it at all. But don't lie about it, just be honest. I don't want to help move you because I'm going to spend some time with my two dogs. Sometimes you do something but you don't have to like it, but just accept it, especially if its for someone that would do the same for you. If you do service any other way, you'll always have strings attached, and that is called being selfish.
